oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
