Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
