I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
