i jhust puked up my retainher.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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