I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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