she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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