You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
