none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
