I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
