I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
