I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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