When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
