Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
