When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
