Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
