My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
