Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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