I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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