Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
