Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
