I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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