are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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