Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
