Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
