I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
