i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
