Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
