You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
