Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
