I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
