She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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