So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
