You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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