have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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