Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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