We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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