i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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