oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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