I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
