history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
