Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
