I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
