There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
