Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
