Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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