Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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