$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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