he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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