Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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