At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
