The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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