batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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