the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
