i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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