i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
