College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
