The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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