we have officially lost it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
