did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
