Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I cannot find my penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
