Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
