My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize