Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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