Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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