Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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