Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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