Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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