Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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