yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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