That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
