This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
