After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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